At a recent men’s retreat, I met a man named “Bruce.” His real name was not Bruce; he used a fake name on his name tag because “Bruce” reminded him of someone who made him laugh.
Men’s weekends are always a fascinating adventure in unique personalities and interactions. During a retreat of mainly clean-cut, middle-class men, Bruce stood out because of his revelations of addiction, incarceration, and his commitment to 12-step programs. He started to share that, in a life of bad choices and heaviness, he learned that good people and good relationships are light and that we should be eager to receive life from both.
In the book of Matthew, Jesus says we should come to Him when we are weary and heavy, and He will give us rest. In my life, when I am weary and feel heavily burdened, I immediately want to isolate myself to avoid adding on more stress and also hoping to relieve a few of the burdens on my shoulders. In isolation where I seek to avoid people, I never receive a feeling of freedom or relief. There was so much wisdom in Bruce’s statement that good people are light and good relations are light and that it is not a burden to receive or to give into those relationships. We are designed to be relational people, and from the beginning of creation, we are told that it is not good for us to be alone. We are uniquely and wonderfully made, and our unique gifts and experiences add to a family, job, church, or other organization. In a world where we have technology as a resource to be connected to anyone in any corner of the world, we seem to struggle to connect to people closest to us and potential life-givers in our daily lives.
As you take your next steps, whether it is your first, your twelfth, or even farther along on your journey, take the hand of someone who is further down the road, and reach a hand back to one behind you. As we help others lighten their loads, our burdens will be lightened as well as cause good people and good relationships to be light and life-giving. If you don’t have your group of life-givers, continue to search. They might look different and offer wisdom you didn’t know you were searching for.
Ward Williams is the founder and executive director of Vineyard Family Services. Contact him at ward@vfsdads.com.